After several offers for purely sexual arrangements from several men
the first week of February I was reeling quite a bit. I can’t help but
wonder why, if someone is looking for a purely physical experience one
wouldn’t choose a person for purely physical reasons. And if you are
going to bother using other qualifications to chose a lover, why not
just choose a girlfriend.
But above all of that, I started to feel objectified. Like something
simply valued for it’s use. These men found value in me in as much as
they could use me. Much like a person with wet hands might find a paper
towel incredibly valuable for that one moment. But then after wiping his
or her hands — all dry a clean again — the towel was suddenly worth
nothing and left as refuse.
And I’m worth so much more than a paper towel. And, as powerful as my
personal sexuality is, I’m worth so much more than it as well. There
are so many other things about who I am what I want out of life and what
I can offer a partner — or even a friend or acquaintance — that I can’t
understand why a man would want nothing but sex from me.
Beyond that, when a man says that he doesn’t need any
romantic entanglements, but he’d like to start a sexual relationship
with you its hard not to feel like someone just said to you, “I’d like
to have sex with you because I know I won’t fall in love with you.”
Really? You know you won’t fall in love with me? How am I supposed to
take that as anything but an insult? Does that mean that you have
already weighed all of the things you know about me and my personality
and decided I’m not worth getting close to? What makes you think you
know enough about me to make that kind of decision.
One day I was livid over lunch. My brain swirling with all of these
ideas. So I chose to text every man in my phone (except for the ones
currently propositioning me). Some of the guys are ex-boyfriends. Some
are ex-lovers. There’s even a current lover in the mix. Some have wanted
to date me and some are my good friends. I found their answers
incredible so I decided to open this up for further discussion.
So, back to the question: What makes a man decide he wants more from a woman than just sex? Or domestic favors?
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