Regardless if you’ve been in a relationship for years, are dating or if
you could care less about marriage right now, it’s important to develop a
healthy attitude toward love. And I hate to break your balls about it —
but by the age of 30, you should have a firm understanding of what you
want, what you believe, what you’ll settle for and what you hope for
when it comes to your love life.
While the surge of online dating and
more and more couples delaying marriage has transformed the romantic
landscape in America, some of the same truths still apply to finding,
falling and staying in love. From how you treat a woman to what you
crave with a companion to how many children you want to have, these
dating and relationship experts share the 10 things every man should
know about love before he’s 30. No pressure.
How To Meet Women (Not At A Bar)
Relationship
and sex expert Dr. Kat Van Kirk says by the age of 30, a man should
have more varied interest than just where his next brew is coming from.
“You are probably not going to meet the love of your life in a bar,” she
says. “Not that it never happens, but typically, people have a better
chance of meeting someone compatible when they aren’t under the
influence of alcohol and they are around like-minded people.”
How To Get Past The First Date
According to the 2015 Singles in America
study, 51% of men imagine their future with their partner on a first
date. If you fall into this half, you might have vivid fantasies but
actually lack the ability to get past one date. According to relationship expert Lori Bizzoco,
you might be feeling unsure how to get into something serious because
you’re trying to figure out where you stand in the relationship, even if
only subconsciously. “For centuries, men have always saw their place as
the caretaker, but now they are trying to figure out where they fit in
as women don’t need caretakers as often,” she says.
That It’s Not About Your Wallet
Many
men are driven to be successful and to be providers — both for
themselves and for the future they visualize. But here’s the thing: what
really matters is how you treat someone, not how much money you have.
And if you’re holding out until you have it all together to settle down,
you might be waiting… well, forever. Dr. Kirk says attracting the right
woman will come when you’re able to be vulnerable and know that you
might not have everything figured out, but you’re in it for the long
haul.
How To Let Go
Still holding onto lusty dreams of the girl
you dated in college (who, um, according to Facebook is now married with
child)? Can’t stop thinking about the woman who first broke your heart?
Dr. Kirk says that by the time you reach your third decade, you need to let goof
ladies who let you down. “Sometimes you have to allow incompatible
partners to self-select out of a relationship with you,” Dr. Kirk. “If
they don’t, or didn’t, want to be with you, they are probably saving you
longer heartache down the way. It is often a blessing in disguise.”
What You Really Want
It
might scare you to really sit down and think hard about what you want
out of a future marriage or relationship, but Bizzoco says that not only
is self-awareness good for you — it’s sexy. You shouldn’t only consider
your partner, but also how you’re doing as one. What could you improve
on? What are some of your weaknesses as a boyfriend? “Every man should
be able to practice open, honest, self-evaluation,” she says. “A woman
will like a man who can truly express his feelings and feel comfortable
in his own skin.”
How To Communicate - And Listen
If you still haven’t figured out how to hold a kickass conversation —
or argument — with someone you love, it’s time to study up. “Men should
be able to listen without interrupting, judging or blaming. Women look
for men who are open to other opinions and can talk about their
feelings,” Bizzoco says. “They should know that doing all of these
things will help their relationship grow stronger.”
How To Know If Your Relationship Is Healthy
“Being
with the right person should help you feel good about yourself — not
worse. This seems like a no-brainer, but it happens all of the time,”
Dr. Kirk says. “For whatever reason, you are attracted to a person who
doesn’t treat you well, talks down to you or is highly jealous. These
relationships can hurt your self-esteem and affect your quality of
life.” Don’t ignore the signs of an unhealthy relationship — and get out so you don’t waste time looking for a better, happier one.
How To Be Faithful
If
you want a monogamous relationship, it’s time to take ‘keeping your
options open’ off your Facebook profile. “A man should be mature enough
to know what he wants and what he doesn’t,” Bizzoco says. “If something
isn’t working you should be able to let your partner know and make the
decisions that need to be made to fix the situation.”
Whether You Want To Live Together
Sure,
you might already be shacking up with your lady, but if you’re not and
you see it going somewhere, you need to start thinking about it. If
you’re single, consider if sharing a home before
you share a last name is an important step for you. According to the
aforementioned Singles in America study, men are more likely to want to
move in with their partner sooner: 33% of men would sign a lease after 6
to 12 months of dating compared to 23% of women.
That ‘The One’ Doesn't Exist (But That’s OK)
You
might have a perfect woman carved out in your mind, but women — like
men — are never going to fit one single mold. There isn’t one single
person destined for you... but many people you could be happy with, says
Dr. Kirk. Make a list of what you want in a partner — and then figure
out which traits you could compromise on. Chances are you’ve likely let at least one person who could have been incredible get away. Keep your heart open — it’ll get you so much further.
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