An awesome friend you can also have great sex with, but with no strings attached? We all know that never works. Until it does.
In a survey of thousands of men and women by Phillip Petree, author of The Man Puzzle: A Guide to Understanding Men,
men and women were fairly evenly split when it came
to friends-with-benefits relationships. "When asked if either partner
ended up getting their feelings hurt, 70% said yes, they had," Petree
says. "When asked if the person with hurt feelings wanted more from the
relationship, 91% said yes. When asked if the relationship had navigated
to permanent, only 6% said it had. When asked why the relationship
ended, it was because one person was insistent on making the
relationship permanent and the other didn't want it beyond where it
was.”
Unfortunately, many people don't follow the rules – yes, there
are rules – and that’s where feelings get hurt and friendships end up
destroyed. “Friends with benefits sounds in theory like the best
of both worlds, but usually ends up causing unwanted drama and hurt
feelings,” says Avi Kahan, co-founder of dating app InviteUp.
Although friends with benefits can work in the short term, it ultimately
has an expiration date. “Either you transition to boyfriend or
girlfriend or stop hooking up when one person feels emotionally
unfulfilled. So the keys to successfully navigating a 'hookup'
relationship are 1) Accepting that it's a short-term situation, and 2)
Being honest with the other person and with yourself,” says Kahan.
Of course, there are certain guidelines you can follow to make this sort of relationship – and don’t for a second tell yourself it isn’t a relationship – as drama-free as possible. We spoke to the experts to find out exactly how you can do it right.
Be Clear About The Rules
The best way to do friends with benefits better is to lay down the rules and groundwork right in the beginning – that way, both people have a sense of what to expect from the situation, says Maria Akopyan,
a life and relationship coach. It helps to discuss the fact that once
one or both people start developing feelings, the friends with benefits
fun is over, as well as the fact that both are free to date others
without any jealousy on either part.
“The most successful friends with benefits situations are where both
people have their own separate lives, come together casually only for
fun sexual trysts and leave it at that. No dates, gifts, social media posts,
or anything that might suggest there is more than friendship and casual
sex,” says Akopyan. Communication is key so that both of you are always
on the same page.
Make Sure That Page Hasn't Turned
Check in every so often to make sure the page hasn’t changed for
either one of you. Because it happens. A lot. “In the heat of the moment
we may be tempted to say the right thing or agree to something we are
not completely happy with just to, well, not spoil the fun,” says Lora Ivanova,
co-founder and chief marketing officer of myLAB Box, the first
nationwide at-home STD testing service. “If your partner communicates a
different expectation than yours, you have to be prepared to back off
and seek your fun elsewhere,” says Ivanova. If they are secretly wanting
more, there will be trouble down the line. “Entering into a casual relationship with misaligned expectations is a sure recipe for disaster,” says Ivanova.
Reciprocation Is A Must
This is a big one, possibly the biggest – your sex buddy does not exist to appear at your convenience for your pleasure. They are a human being with needs of their own – even if those needs are purely sexual in nature.
Remember that it’s only friends with benefits if both are benefitting.
“Reciprocate and take turns where you're going to meet up. Some people
really tire of hearing 'Come to my place; I'm horny' every time [the
other person] wants to have sex. Leave the option open, like, 'Hey, what
are you doing tonight? My place or yours?'" says Bobbie Morgan, author
of sex and relationship blog A Good Woman's Dirty Mind. And it doesn’t end there – make
sure that both of you are having just as much fun in the sack. Just
because it’s not a real “relationship” doesn’t mean one person’s sexual
pleasure means more than the other's. Then, they're just steamrolling
toward the obliteration of the friendship.
Be Honest About Boundaries
If you don't want to know about their other activities and dates, be
upfront about it. “Let each other know if there is someone that is going
to change the situation. This is not a permanent situation, so remember
to not get too used to this person being around,” says Stef Safran,
owner of Stef and the City, a matchmaking and dating expert in Chicago.
Keep It Fun
Keep romance out of the fun – but don't keep the fun out
of the relationship. Sounds counter-intuitive, doesn't it? “This is one
other common pitfall of casual daters. The issue with romance is it
creates expectations. It also can confuse your partner and make them
think you want or are developing deeper feelings," says Ivanova. "On the
flip side, you cannot skip intimacy completely and move on to sex; this
is no fun. Focus on pleasing your partner, doing things you both enjoy,
making them feel good, but skip the grand gestures, elaborate dates and
weekend getaways. Save those for if and when you are ready to explore a deeper connection.”
Also, try to avoid falling into routines. “Don't spend every Saturday
night with someone or get too used to them being there at certain
times,” says Safran. “You aren't going to meet someone if you don't try,
so don't get into a situation where you can mistake this person for
something they are not.”
Be Respectful
Even if this is just fun between friends, you are friends, and human
beings with feelings and you should always consider your actions and
their feelings. “Friends with benefits only works if the friend part
stays at play. Casual relationship, like any relationship, requires a
trust, empathy and communication,” says Ivanova. Oh, and condoms.
ALL YOUR COMMENTS ARE PROPERLY TAKEN CARE OF JUST DROP YOUR COMMENT. With your comment we can give you everything you needs from us!!!.